BORN THIS DAY! 💗👑🎊🎉

Bismillahhirahmanirahim, Today is my birthday!  My 25 birthday.  Alhamdulillah Allah for the long live and experiences.  Terima Kasih Mama for fighting to give birth to me 25 years ago.  Now it is 25 years ago,,  cannot run from the numbers anymore.  

The purpose I am writing this early on morning is to compliment and praise myself for gettin all the way until today.  dear self,, you really have worked hard on your ways. I compliment you.  you are heartwarming,  you are sensible,  you are not straight like what they said cause your fighter spirit is always ready to defend yourself up.  You are good with your burning flames.  You are wise and intelligent and you really had learnt so many things despites all the struggles. Ans that is what make me proud of myself. you learnt how to calm your ego,  how to wait for others,  how to not treat others,  how to living with other.  You learnt all of thats slowly.  

To me that is matter.  Allah  show it slowly to you so you can cope. You are tough even when you said you arr not. you are good and awesome even when you try to deny it everytime.  

You are yourself superhero!  Keep going and keep on living with that flames.  I will rooting myself and force myself up.  Happy birthday to my dear self.  and enjoy the day today with your own philosophies.  Love from yourself💗🎊🎉🎉🎉🎉🎊

treat myself to good clothes and of course tapau mama with some other good foods.  They dont give,  you persuade .  hahahaha

0030820~WRITE ON THIS DAY 📅📚✏💯

A week has passed and still I am here stay. I told one of my friend about what I felt, she understood cause she has the same pace as me.She prayed to me. She also posted something for her and for me to see. I always encounter that. Someone been asking Aiman Azlan an influencer about their life, why is it not at same pace with other? strictly, Aiman said do not compare your life to other. It is their life and you got yours too. So be it dont cry. The one things always make me wonder is never other elses. MONEY.CHIEN. I still have things to pay and I wanna live out my life. I am afraid I am comfortable. I dont want the feeling living out my life overcome my duty as a daughter. However at the same time, I dont want to degrade my life into bottomless pit and doing nothing. If we were to say about enough, I have it enough. For breathing I have it all. rice clothes fav foods. All are prepared but the adult me want to plan something more bigger in the future. The flames slowly turn into a small light. I hope it is still standing and burning out no matter what. I am a human after all. try to fit in and adapt is really a struggles. Day by days becoming slower and maybe I could even die tommorow. Doing same things for 3 years now starting to make me looks pitiful and scarier.

030820 ✏📚📅 WRITE ON THIS DAY

I wanna grow. i wanna challenges. guess am too coward to do that. Never before I look down upon myself but slowly nowadays myself ego and pride starting to fade. I am worried I might be left far behind

Add caption

OUT OF ANGER 😟😤💣

When it comes to be lovable and be kind i can do it. But sometimes I need to tell things right. Love also comes with a hatred. Even toward someone you loved. It is not necessarily being called a toxic relationship but it is really toxic the time you felt anger. What made you patient? How was your life that you can really acts out of the context. Till today I still never met someone who are tsundere even after life did them dirty. 

Good background comes from surrounding. if you have a good surrounding, it is not weird at all to be kind, nice and soft. blame me and debate me. So that I know i am wrong. 

If I were to think about something else and compare with someone else. i already be mad and a crazy girl. So I would like to ask to you too never discuss about it if you don.t have any solution  to that. 

QUADRAPLE HARDSHIPS

People will tell lie if they said they never felt peace.  During all of my life,  happiness comes with price tag. We cannot feel too happy and we need to struggle to be happy.  Most of the time,  I felt hardships and I cried.  I am not strong enough till I mengeluh.  I tried to not to  but it seem life really did me dirty.  

On thursday morning last week,  I am not gonna remember the date.  it was a hell.  i went for a morning strolling. got back and went out to buy nasi bungkus.  after that sells my ice cream.  Park my motor in front of back door and leave ot for around two hours without neck locked. Went to kedai 2 ya and went back tiredly.  still not notice the motor.  Untill near dawn,  sister want to use motor and shockingly we realised our motor been stolen.  

I am poor.  I have got nothing left. the only one moto missing and it made us hard to move around. Mama was not feeling very well.  tommorow,  we bring mama to hospital as she got fever with shaking symptom.  she was admitted due to bacterial infections. I told her at emergency I love her.  She must know I love her even though I stiff.  

after morphine being shot,  she was stable and relax and rest.  waiting for turn to get onto ward itself is a disaster.  too many stranded people downstair and too many people.  change with sister and take turn care for mama. 

days by days getting better but discover other serious problems,  liver problems.  lungs problems and also cyst in kidney.  

life is sure so hard to live in.  Mama feeling pain after coughing and Doc just continue medicines and tell her to rest.  after 8 days addmitted with all horror stories we finally can get back home.  mama feeling happy but still sick.  

now at home continue medicines and antibiotics from hospital but she been coughing all the time.  I pitied her.  Hope she will recover soon. 

every  year July till the end of Disember always did dirty to mama.  Hope mama being protected by Allah as always.

LIFE DID ME DIRTY 😢😣

In just one day,  so many things happen.  Tgis morning I cooked mama a very simple breakfast and at 10 my sister and I went to wet market. We bought many things included Durian.  Alhamdulillah,  the durian turned out to be cheaper and sweeter.  Till next year in sha Allah.  

I went to market with motorcycle to repair the wings.  Unfortunately,  there was no sparepart and going back home thinking another day we will replace those wings.  I talked to the son and the mother.  smile happily and she surely said that i look like a high schooler student.  Feel young but not at all.  

Reach home,  there were so many guests.  The kids.  They made my mother cooked maggi.  my mother was prohibited to eat maggi then she cook when we were not home.  actually,  mama made they ate maggi.  she is the one who wanted it.  

At evening,  she started vomit while crying.  there she goes.  eating wrong could make yourlife worst.  not only yours but people surround you.  

so i was expecting guest.  i thought.  it was actually guest(s). so i kalut kemas rumah.  then suddenly i heard man's voice.  second shock.  lagi kalut than before.  mama is vomitting while me kemasing the house.  

give them location of the house which then led them somewhere i dont know.  at same time they were kids coming buying icecream.  3 things were occuring at the same time. 

then they called saying that they cant find my house.  i send the location but they cant found.  then they ask me to meet at petronas.  mama is vomitting. kids are buying.  i get ready.  then,  mama is vomitting even harder and louder.  

i cancelled my plan and called them.  the meeting is cancel and i stayed at home calming mama.  mama gastric due to her eating disorder. i hate it everytime it happen.  

sister told her off everytime.  still same things happen. i sleep due to tiredness. 

eat cheap durian we bought and settle down the day with ice cream wrapping.  tommorow  tuition classes does not trigger me anymore. 

COLD ADULT

Been away exactly a month, I discovered many bad things about me. I have so many rocky sides. I am upset but I dont want to hide away my unlashed sides. 

If world willingly to acceot my shining side, they also should be able to accepy my rocky sides withiut failure. And again, I am explaining myself to be more kinder but I could not help.

Being an adult for 7 years, I realised why adult always cold; 

1. Miscommunication

2. Their problems should not involved kids

3. Egos

4. Short tempered

5.Problems

We cannot run from these things. We canmot hide it. Adults arguments always involved kids in the middle of the ways. They are victimise and disturbed. Only if adult can solve it verbally ad fronting. Why? Why the world is so cruel they dont let even kids stay calm. I also playedy part as well. I admitted I did wrong. Why world do rubbish?. I dont even want to love in this world. I told you. THE WORLD is so unfair filled with ignorant and cold people. What is scarier, I am also part of them. Till moment I die, I want to live the way I wanted and if I did things that are horribly wrong, you can just killed me right away. 

I wont blame. i am an adult, I am cold.