SOCIAL ANXIETY

I do not find comfort talking much around people. i keep changing and i am not the old me. i dont enjoy being with people and gain nothing from it. 

i need to recharge myself alone. explained why i always stays alone and locked myself up alone back in those years. 

i dont know what to say in a meanigless conversation. however, i do enjoy accompany with people that i wanted to be with. and this occur repeatedly when i am in a good mood and need sombody to spill the words inside me. 

DWELLING

I started this morning lightly. I discovered how much I really love my mother till I took a side. 

These days, I have been thinking a lot on how to improve myself. What did I need to prepare for my future, what works should I do? But nothing beats the times left I need to be with my mom. 

I strongly believe, these two years and this tough year taught me a lot about patient, accepting and move on. 

Well I believe, He wanted to show me something and let me learning through out of it. He held my heart about where I need to be and feel.

But I still dont lose conscious. I am still thinking, lets say all of this stopped, what I need to do do fore front. I have been figuring it out. 

I knew it is going tougher and tougher, I pray for a strong self and heart. I pray for never be give up and rising again. Hope I still sane after all of this.

My experiences would be meaningless if I am not  fix it from now. I knee but my heart would not let me do so. Every time I put my mind to find the jobs, something will happen. 

It seems like a sign. Not one or twice but often. So I took it as a sign for me to stay but not too comfortable. 

Time passed, I felt myself are so timid introvert and got no skills at all. It made me wonder what I really need to do to improve myself.