MY THOUGHT FOR TODAY

there is some part of me wanna let people know what I have been doing, but I am a human afterall, got insecurities towards other people and try to hid it well too. 

for others whom really remembers me by their heart, despite my things.. i would really share it heartily to them. but for those whom i still not confident enought, I choose to hide it well.

there is nothing to brag on. Just me living my sad life thrilly. 

i am still growing and maturing at times. still learning so many things alone. pardon and forgives me throughout times. 

still learning how to really open my heart sincerely and be open at crucial times. 

slowly i immersed into this timid thingy and it got me suffocated. 

i need somebody to help me. but there is no one. literally no one. everyone has somethings going on in their life. 

Mine would be seen as a piece of crumbles paper sheet which can be unfolded in times.

but i am tired. really tired. Allah please hold me at heart and faith. 

Saya sedang mencari saya !

TODAY

Today many things happened and I would like to surpress only a few things. 

first i dont really wanna jump into my science field to fit in my working world. i found it distressing. a lot. 

secondly, i am still a poor girl who has so many dreams to be achieved

thirdly , i am trapped in this body that almost halt me to move forward.

i am still scared. scared to dead to even ponder what would happen to me in the future. 

so tired to compare, so tired to think. lead by example are not parallel to me.

living in a toxic surrounding with less self confidence would make it worsen.

BYE TO 6 OF YOU 😢

Hari ini hari sedih aku. I woke up to see my mum gettin ready to neglect all of my cats. 

In memories, JULI PABLO AISYAH NAMJOON ALI PUTEH. 6 of you 😢. 

Aku sedih  hampa keba buang. Aku tak mampu nk bela hampa sendiri. Hampa ramai sangat. Rumah kita jadi kotor. Mama sakit. 

Aku suka hampa ada kat rumah ni sebab aku tahu hampa selalu doa untuk aku. sebab tu aku okay basuh taik hampa walaupun aku marah. 

Juli : Kucing paling lama dalam rumah ini. Lahir 12 12 12. Mama dah buang 8 kali termasuk yang ini. Juli tak pandai cari makan,  aku harap dia sihat n dapat makan setiap hari. 

Pablo : Satu nya kucing jantan yang suka tido dalam rumah sepanjang hari. Cuma sejak kebelakangan ni dah pandai kencing merata. Itu yang tak best tu. 

Aisyah : aku sayang aisyah. dia comey gebu lembut. dia cantik. tapi aku dh tak mampu nak bela. aisyah tak berak dalam rumah. tapi sebab depa ramai sangat. Keluarga aku tak mampu nk bela banyak2. 

NAMJOON : kucing yang salu aku belai time kecik2. sangat manja. perut dia boroi. Aku harap dia akkann boroi selamanya dan selamat kat sana. 

ALI : KECIK kurus manja jugak. suka makan nasi. Aku harap dia dapat survive kat sana. 

PUTIH :kucing yg paling latest lahir. sama ngn kontot. 

aku sedih sebab kena buang depa 😢. aku harao depaa akan ingat aku selalu. Semoga Allahjaga hampa selalu . 

Saya sedang mencari saya !

TODAY YOU SHOULD SMILE MORE

I wanted to be careful about everything. I wanted to write about nicest things or hardest things ever happen. Today is an exception day where I manage to escaoe from those filthy feeling. 

Come on spare me. at least for once. I only felt happy at this day . Seldom on the other day. So i thought to myself i should smile more and cherished today as it was wonderful day ever happen in my life. 

went to workshop to fix motorcycle seat and have some talk to their family. i manage to share my feeling and smile with them and they also share their thought and feeling regarding my problem. I know they are from a good family as they also make a pray for me even when we are from different religion. 

these day i felt too down that i can even smile on small thing happens. Alhamdulillah. thanks to Allah for those feeling. this are not gonna last longer but i want to cherished it forever. Terima Kasih Xie xie ni Yar motor. 

Saya sedang mencari saya !

LOOKIN BACK AT THOSE DAYS

Never a single day we passed without an argument. Everyday if someone from us does not tengking or raise our voice memang tak sah. 

guess this is the price for us for being 'bad' in so many ways. i dont know, to be soft spoken is really hard for me to di since i was not mingle around in that surrounding. never at all. 

i was born and established this way. I am not saying i am proud for being 'keras kepala' . it is just that i dont want to create troubles and most importantly i dont want OTHERS to troubles me. 

when we were looking back at those days of course there is a regretment at those timea but we cant turn back times making you wanted to do better next times. but after all we are all humans got feelings ansd still hurts by it often. 

when it was hurts i cried and rebels. 

Saya sedang mencari saya !

ANGRY

Been wanting to update since previous Sunday but it got delayed for some reasons. BIG lazy was a part from the reasons. Today, I heard some shocking story where a famous personal assistant died due to appendiks (sorry for the wrong spelling to lazy to even google it). 

i used to hate him, and i unfollowed him since. but when suddenly hearing the  news about he  is passing away, it strucked me a lot. 

anytime without any reasons, even without any DIL we can still be dying. That is Allah's power.He  takes whoever He loves more and when someone died, it was a lesson for us who are still living on his Earth. 

And today also I encounterred two small kids who always gets on my nerve. I cant let a day without yelling thanks to their behaviour. I am really not into a naughty kids. I hate them the most on this world. Sound immature but i dont care. I cant deal with their 'meminta-minta' attitudes and their sikap yang suka menyusahkan aku. 

I dont like it. And their mom of course would always took on their sides. I really dont like it. 

they are super annoying when they always asks for ridiculous questions and asking free things when I am try to sell ice  cream. 

Hell yeah, i sell ice cream. one two times still can be  considered and it was my last courtesy to treat them but not everytime they come. Stupid. Annoying. Ridiculous. 

I dont like it like that. stay away from me before i yell you out one more time. 

Saya sedang mencari saya !