DROPLETS OF SEASONS

many are aware that near to end of year, rainy and flood season would welcomed us. 

to  me back in those years, i appreciate rainy seasons as there is no other way i would feel this cold without the need to pay the bills.

the newest me would hella worried as i need to take care many of things and it disturbed me to even hear the sound of the lightning. as i am growing older, i felt fear to many things. 

things are not the same it was used to be. i need to get used to it and moving on. 

the lucky and fun moments always there and you have lived with it. now focus on your dreams more. 

love you.

SAFEST PLACE

i thought my mind would be the safest place i know. it was not. hahahaha. 

reading previous post and i laughed at myself for talking to myself, making judgement, assumptions and even good and bad ments towards my own post. 

seriously, mind need a whole lot rest. 

dear my lovable mind, dont judge. dont be afraid of ments, let them speak out. the same way you speak out. 

no prejudice. even to yourself. things would be whole lot easier. dont doubt. but think. 

praise yourself lots and smile to yourself. forgive yourself often too. love you.

Saya sedang mencari saya !

BIZZARE MORNING

woke up this morning to find out the same status about me. 

but when i had done the same things the feelings are comfortable and rarely tired. 

i wonder what is it mean. Allah please always hold my heart from evil's whisper.

Saya sedang mencari saya !

TALK SHIT

Been reading a lot about life quotes which has been telling you to stay firm and lead you into several ways to steer your life problems. hell of the day, i hate myself to bring myself upon this.

i talk back as they are not merely the solutions i need to. but when i read it twice i started to understand the  deep meaning. so why would the first brain of me would defend upon it so negatively. 

guess that is just me. being me is tired but being me able to see it through  after sometimes really peace me out for awhile. even usually i felt suck at most times.

i need to tell myself to see this in a diff way not like the first you time you see it. 

" h you to Saya sedang mencari saya !

Isfp-t THE ADVENTURER

I took multiple test regarding my personality and its shown. 

100% confirmed and i am sure about. the traits that were discussed are so me. 

However, I am disturbed by one things. I am an introverts and find its hard to crawl out from my comfort zones, but other half of me would wanted more. 

want to explore , try and see manu things. 

its complicated. 

I hope i can cool down about this personality season and get back.on my track back. 

RANDOM YESTERDAY

As I am typing my thought, these come out and potray. 

FRIENDS

Friend is someone that you can affliate with even when you are being separated for a long time. Awkward moments are in different dimension and was not being mentioned at all. Friends that turn your guys vibe on are tyes of people that you can keep on being friend for a very longer time. Memoried will still remains and you will create more with them in the future. 

MONEY 

I hate to say that this thing is so important for you to live your life.  The confidence can naturally flows in if you have the money things. If you came from a good family background, it is already determined your future good life halfway.Your insecurities can be threw away with the money things too. Of course, rich people do not see this as a main issue. For them, money is not everything and something that everyone should have for life. But for the poors, they hardly try to convince themselves that the money is not about everything either howrever still working the ass off in the pain even when the things are not rewarded in much. 

PANDEMIC

Even during this confusing season, when poors are trying so hard to make living, there will always another punk and bull shitter who does not give a fuck about what is happening surrounding. Of course, it could be anyone, anytime. Their awareness and firmness about this confusing season literally a total mess. Ianya adalah satu situasi di mana orang orang tidak dapat membuat pilihan.

  

BLESSING 

It is weird on how you felt blessing and grgratefulnes only once in awhile and not in every day life. is that an indicator where your doas being answered or not?. If yes, I do really be in troubled. i rarely felt blessing and sometimes not. 

CURHAT / SPILLING THE TEA

The last session just occur. The one who give counselling is a person that had gone through much. They literally have been facing the same things and trying to give a warmer apparoach for you even when the situations are not the same. Allah is always there and He kept testing you in this world because nothing comes easy at first place. You have missions to be solved and remember your missions cannot be done and hard journey awaits if we exclude Him on the way. Not with people who have doubts at least. 

SELF TRAITS

Isfp-t. The adventerous one. Looking for many things to feel directly. easy to feel bored but love everything that are discoverable. if it happen for you to stuck, you will find it hard to cut off. if that was it, your passion will be lacking and less desires to finish in. Happiness comes when you decided it to be and unfortunately sad comes even when you dont expected for it. impromptly without consent. 

CAUTIOUS 

So many times this words made appearance. Need to pay for its appearance sooner. lacked surrounding educate us to be more cautious and have things happen more in a reserved way.

INTEREST

self interest is harder to stated when you have many other interest. The things is you will have same passion even when things are not rewardinh that much you have been trying and worked on 

UNVEILD YOUR YIELD

 

Many things were unveiled and you started to feel fear.

At that time you were slowly adapted to your struggles,

Then there comes a few more uneasiness.

I wonder is that what life was really meant,

Or I just take it too negatively.

Life is a constant learning process where you will bear those guilty pleasures forever

I tend to take it pessimistically but it is I just can’t help to live without it

It seems when you are in adapted, the more will come.

If others are the same with me, why I don’t see them bursting?

They might try as hard as me, but how did they hide it well?

The face of them was facing hardships, where did they throw it away?

For once I wish somebody would tell me to do,

For once I wish somebody would allow me to lean on.

Again, the insecurities that are inside of me keep questioning,

I am taking it too much and even do nothing.

I try but not so hard

I cry but not too loud

I persuade but not to passionate.

Again, I is the one that needs to blamed on.

I just want everything simple where I can make money constantly, put smile on my face,

Feel the easiness of life even without luxury.

I felt somebody would come and shouting at me.

There is no such thing that you don’t try hard to get.

I am thinking and thinking that doing the work might be easy and steady,

But another me would thinks that as a cheapskate. Fight this insecurities who

Never let my guard down and keep my skin thin as always.

Be in love or be with another half is seems so impossible when you can even figure out your own life.

Assets are not in my list as I still learning to stand up. I am bearing and holding.

I hope my feet can be landed someday and walk further to explore this world. The dreams that I collected, I hope it won’t be furnished along with my spirit intelligence.

Fuck the whole dignity that sucked up. I hope at least, there would be someone grabbed my hand and bring me along to their easy world. Ours might be totally different but i would love to see yours too.

Till that time coming, hope the fire is still burning and keep flames me every day.

 

 

MIND CONTROLLING

just before i write this, i wrote something brilliant about age at 25 years old. What would you feel and how you live your life nowadays. 

But it turn out a bit bitter when i found somw quotes which was meant for me sent by my friend. 

It says there, i dont need to be always bitter about life. be happy and it will promotes myself into another brilliant phases. But dont be easy to until someone else can step on you. 

To her thinking, she might think that she helped me by sending the tweets. But me arr struhgling to understand something in the middle of the sentences. 

It is as feel as  i always took life in a bitter way that is why i cannot invite happiness into my life. If it was then,then i should be honest to myself.. i dont like it and she barely only the word bitter that only applies to her. 

Everyday i control my mind to be able to accept my current life despites all those ' kekurangan' and the tweets punched straight into my heart

I am not taking thia life in a bitter way. I am saying i am learning how to control my mind everyday to accept everything. Of course i am trying to be happy. I dont wanna show my happiness on soc media. I mean to show sadness. They should know it regardless.

Good night