DIAGNOSED

This year the pain intensely keep coming just like what I expected last year..

Nothing really helping and boost me more.

Nothing would driven me more. What I had learned from this past months and year, there is nothing would be happening if you stay in the hell pit. 

someone would say, dont stay in hell forever, keep going dont stop!. but that does not really what is happening to me. Literally, I could not do the job I wanted out to do the most this year. Things needed to stop and I lost my two cents income wholly. 

I tried to open a small business at my home and it literally keeping going but won produce as much as the other job. How to do more and keeping it going? I knew the answer but still, it never let me shine yet.

everyone has their shining time and I would love to believe that. I am not as young as before. I might diagnosed with illness that I dont want to acknowledge of. I need time to prepare but it still triggered me every time i need to face it. I cannot control myself. I am afraid. I wish, everyone would feel as I felt so that it wont hurt this much and ease my anxieties.

i wish to write only happy things in the future and may this sorrowful dissapears forever from my life and only contentment filled my everyday life in the future. i hope, i still got the hang of it to attract positives vibes to me. Allah, please grant all the blesses, happiness to me and put away all  the pain and sorrows.