DIARIES📑📝📌

I have many diaries being written online.  I feel the urge to write everytime I want and I can.  Am not good with expression.  Even reacting. 

I let life teach me on how to do so.  Many years would be need and I might suffer in the middle of the way but I had to choose not to care much about that. Let it be the way it wanted to be. 

As a history of my life, I wars born into a close to poor family.  But they would try really hard to feed me with love if they can not raise me well like others kids.

I still remembers one day I enrolled my first secondary school.  it was a science boarding school.  Previous day before I left,  mama and me would packing everything that is important.  I also have my eldest sister.  she also helped me.  We went there by an old car left by my late father. 

Soon after I enter the school gate I was mesmerized and excited into thinkinh that I will learn many things here and would try to succeed. 

That year is 2008 and I am 13 years old kid.  When our car passed through,  I see a few students welcomed us.  But they went into others way.  Quick thinking,  I know there are picking out their adopt sister by looking at car. 

I was hurt and sad.  Soon after, there was a kind and beautiful students came welcomed us with smiles.  She brought us for a registration and into hostel.  She told everything regarding the school to my mother. 

When mama left,  I cried and hide it from everyone.  it always happeing that way.  Everytime mama came for a visit and left,  I would cry in toilet alone.

How hard it would be for my mama to come alone driving a car and sometimes motor to give me homecooked food.  I was thinking nothing.  happy to be fed well. 

missing mama and know mama was enduring everything alone at home made me cry alone im toilet.  but my easy going attitude hide those scars inside. 

i never let it show. i am sad. to the point,  i am talking to one of my friend and she told me to be front of everything.  never hide it anymore. 

when you are sad,  tell people you are sad. when you are tired,  tell people you are tired. I be bold,  and tell everything. 

I felt lessen.  That day.