TOUGHER year

2020 sudah berada di penghujung hari. Sesetengah orang bergembira untuk menutup tahun ini dan berasa teruja untuk melangkah ke tahun baru.

Well that was not created for me. Either i have no ambition or less greed i figured it out already. I wanted to live beyong any mean but still in a way that i can survive. 

Today we got the news about covid in our placr. It was terrible. I am avoiding it at all cost and finally it was here. I am so scared. Feeling hopeless. 

I am worried for mama. I cant bear the fear of losing someone i cherished the most. She is my pillar. 

I longed for her even when she is in front of me. Seeing her all sicks hurt my heart so much. Someone with family would never understand that. 

I wish all of these are not happening. Mama could be avle to walk and smile happily without any pain insides. 

I hate to remember that this year only give me pain and hesitations. It was dark as ever. Mama was admitted to ward fourth times and undergoes covid inspections for twice. 

It was horrible

 It was dark. 

I dont wanna repeat. 

But i repeated it twice. 

Horror  😢

I know next year would be tougher.. i am hoping for strength. Strenght so that i can stand up straight and think. 

No word please be nice. Just hoping i can cope with everything and survive. 

Nothing Different

December has finally come. 

Nothing really change for me. Seriously. 

These two days been feeling like hell. A hell of all. Not doing anything plus with the melancholy weather. Raining crazily. Non stop. 

Living in a fear. Feeling slump. sakit kepala. 

Open job portals but stuck in a middle. Nothing excites me anymore. 

Even this writing has finally become obliged for me to write. 

I wanted to keep it here as angry scribble hoping my anger would go away. 

The more I look into myself, the more i discover how incompentent I am.  Oh shit. 

I talk fast and i hope my worlds also spinning fast so I can quickly see the future me. 

Times tickling around so slowly that I count times to explode really. 

This pandemic has been hard for me. So hard. Made me feel useless all the time. 

Sick sick sick . 

Saya sedang mencari saya !