A DROP OF TEARS

Today is the day Mama went for her dialysis and the day she will met her Doktor Pakar from neuro unit. From the blood result after discharged from ward, there are a few issues that needs to highlighted off. first, her tyroid hormon level in the blood which keep gettin high from the last three months. 

And also other things like creatinine and urea level in the body which can be controlled by strict diet. what concerns me more is her tyroid level, it can be cancerous and harm her body in a time. 

i felt sorry for mama for what she had been through. i am sorry i cannot help you mama. I m sorry for being the selfish me everytime. i am sorry. I know our time will not be longer anymore than I think and i hope. i need to be ready but i just can help to halt this tears from coming down my face. .

I want you to be there where you can smilingly seeing me lead a happy life. I want you to be there when i am at my peak and success. I am sorry I just can accept than giving. I am sorry. 

Allah, jauhkan ibuku dari api nerakamu ya Allah. mama adalah ibu yang terbaik untuk aku. dia banyak berkorban untuk aku sekeluarga. Jauhkan la dia dari api neraka. Rahmatilah dia, berkatilah dia. sembuhkan lah dia dari segala penyakit. Kuatkan lah kami semua untuk terima segala ujian dan dugaan Mu dengan hati yang reda Ya Allah. Sesungguhnya Engkau yang pegang hati hati kami maka kuatkanlah dekatkan dengan Mu Ya Allah. 

jangan biarkan kami jauh dari bau syurga Mu.

i believe, this is all not for granted. mama has been trying her best to live out this life. I love her, and she loved me too. Nothing can separate our love. but when times comes I hope I am strong enough and strong to face everything.