HEART FEELING HEAVY 😢☔

Most of the time I write to express not to brag. I might die sooner,  maybe in two years I dont know as I really can not see myself in the future. 

Law of attraction never got me once this time. Ovulation is not the cause anymore,  as I am in right mind now.  

I reflect myself more often when I see others are doing well.  I wonder and ponder what is their biggest stumbling block?  Is that really could be considered as a stumble block?

I would not deny that some people would have it harder than me. The things is dynamic effect of it is too rare.  I am pitying myself.  I am patting myself.  

I am lost.  Lost and drown in passion people.  Seeing others getting too high spirited make me wanted to less moving.  Am not persistent for someone in my age.  

a weaker person as ever.  I admitted defeat too soon and rainbows are not even existed in my dictionary.  

Could not help but to compare their life with mine.  The sins are not too big as someone elses got  worst than mine.  so I was wondering for days,  months what am i doing wrong in my way of life? 

How could I sacrifice the things I really could not let go?  i wont.  And if I wont.i would stay forever in pit bottom.  which sometimes i considered as a hellhole when things are really not going right.  

is it too hard to endure alone. 

i only hoping for a brighter day for me to smile and not thinks otherwise about perceptions of life.

someday i will read this,  I know myself getting stronger day by days and passes hell. if I could live longer than what I imagined.